The Power of Validation: Connecting with Loved Ones Living with Dementia
Caring for someone with dementia often means navigating moments of confusion, frustration, and distress. One of the biggest challenges comes when a loved one recalls things that aren’t true in the present moment—maybe they believe they need to go to work, even though they retired years ago, or they ask for a family member who has long since passed. Our instinct might be to correct them, to bring them back to what we know as reality. But what if true connection comes from meeting them in their reality instead?
That’s the heart of the Validation Technique, a method of communication that fosters understanding, reduces anxiety, and strengthens relationships with those living with dementia. Developed by Naomi Feil in the 1980s, this approach encourages caregivers to acknowledge the feelings behind a person’s words rather than focusing on correcting inaccuracies. Instead of saying, "No, Dad, you don’t work anymore," validation allows us to say, "Tell me about your job. What did you love most about it?" This shift turns a moment of potential frustration into one of connection, making the person feel heard and valued.
Validation works because while dementia alters memory and perception, emotions remain deeply felt. If someone insists they need to catch a train or go home to their childhood house, the underlying feeling might be a need for comfort, security, or familiarity. By stepping into their world rather than pulling them into ours, we can ease their anxiety and create a space where they feel safe.
Using validation begins with truly listening—not just to their words but to the emotions behind them. Instead of contradicting, we can acknowledge their feelings with phrases like, “That sounds important to you,” or “Tell me more about that.” Asking open-ended questions allows them to reminisce, which can be soothing and meaningful. If a loved one is talking about their parents as if they are still alive, rather than saying, “They passed away years ago,” a validating response could be, “You must miss them a lot. What’s your favorite memory with them?” This gentle shift keeps them engaged and comforted rather than triggering distress.
Another key aspect of validation is mirroring emotions. If a person is excited about something from their past, sharing in their joy makes them feel understood. If they seem sad, offering words of comfort and support—without trying to force them into the present—can be incredibly reassuring. Even simple gestures like holding their hand or maintaining warm eye contact reinforce a sense of trust and connection.
Imagine a scenario where a loved one insists they need to leave for work. Instead of saying, “You don’t work anymore,” a validating response might be, “That sounds like an important job. Tell me about what you do.” This kind of interaction shifts the focus from confusion to engagement, allowing them to express themselves without resistance.
The Validation Technique isn’t about deception or pretending. It’s about respect, empathy, and meeting people where they are. By embracing this approach, caregivers can turn difficult moments into opportunities for meaningful connection. Dementia may take away many things, but the need to be heard and understood never fades. With validation, we can ensure our loved ones feel valued, supported, and truly seen.
